A christmas to remember
by blubachat2
Summary: Harm and Mac have a wonderful night together, but it’s not happiness that follows.


Title: A Christmas To Remember

Author: Aikaterini & Yvonne

Disclaimer: We don't own the characters of JAG! We're just borrowing them for this little story! They and the concept of the show belongs to Donald P. Bellisario, CBS, Paramount et all!

December 24, 2001

0118 Zulu (08:18 PM EST)

JAG HQ

Falls Church/Virginia

"I guess I'm ready to go home. It's not that late, but I'm a little tired." Mac said to Harriet, who was standing beside her.

"You're sure, ma'am? It's only half past eight." Harriet asked her with pleading eyes.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure. But we will see each other again on Wednesday. I'm really sorry to leave that early." As soon as she had said that, Harm came walking along.

"Hey Mac, how's everything going? You look a little exhausted. Is everything all right?" He asked with a concern filled voice.

"Relax, Harm! I'm okay. I'm just tired, since I had about four hours of sleep last night, and that was definitely not enough. I will leave now to get some sleep."

"You will? Could you wait a second? You know, Sturgis drove me here tonight, because we thought it would be cheaper to use only one car. I'll just tell him that I'm leaving now, so that he won't wonder where I went to later."

"And how are you going to get home, sailor?" Mac teased him, thankfully that Harriet had left right after Harm came to her, or they would have to deal with some scuttlebutt the next few days.

"Uhm, I thought about you giving me a lift. I mean, I'm also a little tired and Sturgis doesn't like he wants to leave anytime soon, so I'm counting on you." He gave her a sweet smile, which practically begged her to say 'yes'.

"Okay, but only if you can behave yourself!" She teased him.

"I'll try it." He countered back and turned to search for Sturgis.

Mac looked for Harriet and went quickly to her, to say goodbye to her and Bud. After that was done, she thought about going to everyone here in the office to say her goodbyes, but she forgot about it as quickly as possible, since it would take way too long. So, she searched the room for Harm and spotted him right beside the Admiral. As if he knew that she was watching him, he turned around and winked at her, which meant as much as 'I'll be right there'. She smiled and waited patiently.

After exactly 2 minutes and 17 seconds, Harm stood in front of Mac, who just looked amused.

"What? Why are you grinning like that?" He wanted to know.

"Oh, I don't know. It was just a thought I had."

"Share to care, Marine?"

"Actually, no." She turned and went for the elevators, when she felt that he wasn't following her. "Hey, sailor, are you coming or what?"

"If you tell me why you were smiling before?"

"Hm, no. But you can stay here, if you don't want me to drive you home." That got to him and he hurriedly went after her.

0142 Zulu (08:42 PM EST)

JAG HQ

"Where is your car, Mac?" Harm asked slightly nervous. He had no idea why he was nervous, but he knew that the ride in the elevator was like hell for him. He didn't know what to say and felt nervous like a schoolboy on his first date, and he had not even a clue why!

"You are standing right in front of it, Harm!" She had this amused look on her face again, but Harm was too flustered to ask for the meaning of it this time. "Okay, Harm, do you want to drive?"

"Me? Now, why should I want to drive your 'Vette?" He asked her innocently.

"Come on, Harm! I know that you want to! You may have a new 'Vette, but you can't sit on the passenger seat of my 'Vette. You never could and you never will!" Mac smiled a beautiful smile, which made his knees weaker than they already were.

"You're right." He took the keys she was holding out to him and went to the driver's side to open the door, when he thought about his good manors and went to the passenger side again. Mac, who didn't know what he was doing, just watched him with curious eyes. As soon as he held the door open for her to get in, she knew what it was and smiled at him, before gracefully getting into the car. Harm went to the driver's side again and got into the 'Vette. "I suggest, I'll drive you home and take your car to my place afterwards. This way it will be a lot safer for you. You know, I don't want you to drive the long way from my apartment to yours alone." Before she could protest, he spoke up again. "I know, my place is not the safest area in DC, but my 'Vette survived there a long time until it was stolen, and I'm sure yours will survive this one night! I can pick you up tomorrow morning and we can have breakfast together, so you can get your car back again. What do you say?"

"I wanted to protest at first, but you have some good arguments, so I'm sure it will be okay." She smiled reassuringly at him.

"I know my arguments are always good because I am a lawyer" Harm said.

Mac tried hard not to laugh.

Yes, in the courtroom he was a magician with words, but in real life? No, there they had always a little problem with communication.

She remembered Australia and all the problems their lack of communication had caused.

Mac looked at her bare hand with sadness, months before there had been a ring on her finger, an engagement ring.

Many nights, when she laid awake next to Mic in bed, she had prayed that Harm would come to her like a knight in shining armor, wearing his dress whites and ask her to marry him.

But it had all been a dream and the night he crashed in the Atlantic the last bit of her dream faded away.

Yes, after the night of her rehearsal dinner, after his crash, they had become closer, but still they weren't really talking to each other. Not about their feelings. Harm was still not ready to let go. Mac didn't knew how long she could wait until he was finally ready. Sometimes she was sick of waiting.

Harm noticed out of the corner of his eye that something was wrong. Mac had become really silent during the drive to her apartment.

"Everything all right ninja-girl?" he asked softly and reached over to cover her hand with his.

"Sure" she answered after a moment of hesitation.

"I guess Christmas isn't the right time for both of us, too much bad memories" Harm sighed.

"Yeah."

Mac turned around to look at him.

Every year, a week before Christmas his mood changed and Harm became Mister-I-Hate-Christmas.

Every year at Christmas, he looked like a wounded animal.

Mac knew that he missed his father very much and that he would go to the Wall tomorrow. Sometimes she thought about asking him if she could accompany him.

But it was his father. She had no right to intrude this special moment between father and son.

Outside Macs Apartment

"The Washington 2812"

Georgetown

"We are home." Harm announced a moment later.

"What?"

"We are at your apartment" Harm repeated.

"Thanks for driving me home" Mac said.

"Thanks for letting me drive your Vette."

"No problem, how about a" she started but stopped mid-sentence to think about it for a moment. "How about a coffee? You know I make real good coffee," she then continued.

"Yeah, I know: real Marine coffee. A coffee which could kill you" he said and smiled.

"Hey" Mac punched him playfully in the side.

"Ok ok, I would like to drink coffee with you, now." Harm said.

He got out of the car and went over to the passenger side, opening the door for her.

Harm offered his hand to her. It was freezing and he didn't want her to fall down.

Mac accepted his hand on any other day she would have said no but today was different and she didn't know why.

A jolt of electricity ran through Mac as their hands touched. Mac started to shiver and Harm interpreted it as a feeling of cold.

"Let's get you inside" he said.

Mac only nodded, unable to trust her voice.

Macs Apartment

"The Washington 2812"

Georgetown

As Harm closed the door behind Mac with a click, she knew that it had something final.

Now unsure if it had been the right thing to invite him in Mac walked over to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" he called after her.

"Making coffee," she answered.

"How about music?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, that would be fine" she answered and added silently it would end the awkward silence

A moment later, the first tunes of a Christmas carol filled the air.

"Silent night, holy night

All is calm, all is bright,

Round your virgin, mother and child,

Holy infant so tender and mild,

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace"

"Stop it" Mac nearly screamed and at the same time, Harm could hear that something shattered to the floor.

In one swift motion, he switched off the radio and was by her side.

Mac had dropped a coffee cup to the floor and was now fighting back tears and bad memories.

Harm noticed that Mac was near her breaking point.

He slung his arms around her waist and took her into his embrace. He wanted to give her the feeling of being safe and loved.

"What's wrong, Sarah?" he asked carefully not wanting to break up old wounds.

"The music. . . . Christmas. . . . My Dad" she stuttered.

Mac didn't need to continue. Harm knew what she was about to say.

He had figured out a long time ago that Mac's only childhood memories must be her father screaming and hitting at her. But he hadn't known that a simple Christmas carol would bring back the memories.

"Cry if you want. You are safe, darling. No one is going to hurt you," he whispered in her ear, still stroking her back.

"Hold me," she begged. Now she wasn't the brave Marine colonel anymore, she was a child.

"I will, always and forever," he promised.

Mac lifted her head, which had been lying on his chest and looked at him. Instinctive she reached her hand out and placed a stray hair back in place. Almost with a will of its own, her fingers ran through his thick hair.

Harm traced her jaw line with his fingertips as she looked at him.

She is beautiful how could someone hurt her? he thought.

Their faces were just inches apart. Harm leaned in and gently kissed her. Mac parted her lips and the kiss deepened.

After a few moments, Harm broke the kiss. "We shouldn't do that, Sarah."

"I know, but it feels so right." She answered with a small smile on her lips.

"Yeah, it does." He said. His only thought at the moment was, if he should dare it now or not. He really wanted to continue the kiss and maybe even more, but he didn't know what she thought about it.

Without warning, Mac got closer and kissed him again. All his intentions forgotten, he deepened the kiss, without thinking about the possible consequences it had. He knew that this was not only a kiss, but also a beginning to something bigger, though he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Maybe we should take this somewhere else?" Mac suggested and nudged him in the direction of her bedroom. It was a risk, but one she was definitely willing to take.

"We should," was Harm's only answer. He wasn't even able to think clearly, so she wouldn't want him to answer in full sentences, would she?

They made their way to the bedroom without stopping their kissing. Finally there, they helped each other out of their clothes and lay down on the bed.

0923 Zulu (04:23 AM EST)

Mac's apartment

Mac awoke with a start, wondering what happened to wake her at this time of the night. When she looked to her left, she saw what, or rather who, it was. Harm was lying there and had a little smile on his face, and every now and then, he was moving a little. She was sure that he was dreaming, regarding the smile, but it was also possible that this smile was still from the memories of the things they did last night. Maybe she had a similar smile on her face? She thought of the last night, when it suddenly hit her: It wasn't meant to be forever! Harm had never a longer relationship with a woman before, and the simple reason for this was that he wasn't able to commit to somebody!

Mac thought about this for a couple of minutes, when another thought came to her mind: All the consequences. It would be terrible to work with him, and they could never be friends again. They destroyed everything within one night! She was positive that he would break her heart. Not because he wanted to, but because he was scared of a serious relationship. To avoid all those things, she had to get away from here. She would leave and he could never break her heart. She could start a new life somewhere else, without anybody knowing of her past and all the things she did in the last few years. All her friends were here, but she had to leave. Another possibility didn't exist.

Slowly, she got out of the bed and went to the bathroom, where she put all the things she would need in a small bag, which she had taken out of the shelf beside the shower. She knew that she had to be silent, so she wouldn't wake Harm, but she also had to be fast, or he would wake up before she was gone.

The next task was to get her clothes into a suitcase. That would be hard, but she had to manage.

A few minutes later, she closed the suitcase in her living room and stood to gather all the other things she would need. She checked her inner clock and knew that she had to make it quick. Harm would surely awake in a couple of minutes, since she was up for about 20 minutes now, and he could possibly feel that there was no warm body lying beside him anymore.

With a last look through her apartment and to Jingo, who was lying in front of the fireplace, she opened the door. She turned around one last time and watched her bedroom door. Could he be awake now? No, she would have heard him. She suddenly remembered that she forgot to feed Jingo the night before, but she couldn't bother to do this now. 'Harm would do it as soon as he is awake,' she tried to calm herself. Then, she stepped outside and closed the door with a final 'click'.

After all her things were stuffed in her small 'Vette, she got into her car and drove off. She didn't knew the destination or even the direction, so she drove into her own fate…

1030 ZULU (05:30 AM EST)

Mac's Apartment

As soon as Harm awoke, he knew that he was alone. Mac wasn't lying next to him. He reached his hand out and touched the empty spot next to him. It was cold. Mac must be up for a long time.

Harm sat up in bed and looked around in the room. Their clothes were spread around on the floor. He remembered last night clearly. All his dreams had come true. His beautiful Sarah in his arms, ever since he first fell in love with her, he had dreamt about it, and after Australia it had seemed that his dream would never come true.

But it had happened.

Harm picked up his boxers from the floor and slipped into them. Then he stood up and went looking for Mac.

She was nowhere to be found. Not in the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, nowhere.

Maybe she was just jogging, but at this unholy time of day?

Then it hit him, when he had been in her bathroom looking for her he had noticed that her things were gone. She was gone.

Sighing he sat down on the nearby couch in the living room.

"Sarah, where are you?" he asked into the darkness of her apartment.

Macs Vette

Interstate

The whole time Mac was crying silent tears.

Finally, her dreams had come true this night and she had to leave.

But she had to end it before it had really started. She couldn't live with another broken heart, not after all what had happened between them.

Mac would cherish the memories of tonight, of their past, even of Australia.

Mac knew that she had to make a plan. She couldn't just drive through the USA. She had to find a destination. Her real destination.

She had seen a motel sign some miles earlier. Mac knew that she would stop there and made a plan where to go to. After this night, nothing would be the same again. She knew she doesn't want to see Harm again.

No, that wasn't true. There wasn't anything what she wanted more.

Motel

Mac's room

Mac stood at the window of her room.

She was lost in thoughts. Thinking about the future. But what future could it be? She couldn't go back. She couldn't work at JAG again, seeing him every day. Mac knew that it was a hard decision to make, but after all, she was a Marine and she had to do it for her own sake.

She would resign her commission. She would leave JAG and the Marine Corps forever. There was no way back. She would stop being Sarah Mackenzie. Today was the day when Sarah Mackenzie stopped to exist.

Mac walked over to the full-length-mirror.

She looked at her appearance, short dark hair, it could grow, she could color it, maybe red, no Harm had always liked it the way it was.

STOP her mind screamed. She had to stop thinking about him.

Mac knew she needed a new name, a new identity.

"Hi, I am Sarah Mackenzie," she said aloud and then shook her head. "Hi I am Cat Mackenzie."

Again, it was not the right name. It didn't fit the way Sarah had.

"O'Hara," she mumbled.

"I am Cat, Catherine O'Hara. Yes, that's me," she said finally. 

Mac was still unsure about the idea of leaving everything behind. But on the other hand, it was the only thing she could do to find happiness again.

Two days later

JAG HQ

1539 Zulu (10:39 AM EST)

Harm strolled into his office, praying that nobody would talk to him that day. It was hard enough that Mac had left him and he had no idea where she could be. Suddenly someone was blocking his sight.

"Harm, you are looking quite miserable!" Sturgis Turner was standing in front of him and had a smile on his face.

"I hope so, 'cause it was a terrible Christmas this year." Without saying anything further, he turned around and went into his office. He hoped that everybody would leave him alone the next days, or rather the next months or years, until she came back to him. Before he could do anything else, someone was knocking on his door.

"Enter!"

"Commander Rabb, the Admiral wants to see you ASAP. Do you know where I can find Colonel Mackenzie?" Tiner said in his usual unsure tone.

"No, I don't know where you can find her, but if you'll do find her, I would appreciate it, if you would tell me about her whereabouts!" Harm snapped at the poor Petty Officer, who flinched visibly at his tone. Tiner was used to the Admiral snapping at him sometimes, but not to Harm doing that.

Harm got up from his desk and went into the direction of the Admiral's office, silently praying that he wouldn't ask him about Mac. As if he wouldn't want to know where she is!

He entered the office after he heard the answer to his knocking.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Harm stood at attention in front of the Admiral's desk.

"At ease, Commander. Yes, I wanted to see you and Colonel Mackenzie for a new case for both of you. I see that the Colonel didn't come to work today, so I guess I have to explain the details to you and you can tell her later."

"I will try, sir." Harm answered with a sad voice.

"Is everything all right?" The Admiral asked concerned.

"Yes, I mean, I don't know, sir." Harm said truthfully. "It's just that I wasn't able to reach her yesterday and today, and when I went to her apartment, the most of her things were gone."

"That's odd. Do you know what happened to let her run away like this?"

"No, sir." Harm knew that he wasn't telling the truth, but he couldn't risk telling him what happened two days ago. So, he opted for telling a slightly different story. In fact, he was telling the truth in a way, because he had no idea why Mac left.

"I guess we'll have to wait, until she comes back by herself. Now, the new case…"

Chicago

Mac's Hotel room

2104 Zulu (04:04 PM EST)

Mac was sitting on the bed, studying the newspaper for a house in Chicago. She had already found some good ones, but they were quite expensive and she couldn't afford them. She knew that she had to buy a house, instead of renting an apartment. That would be more expensive over the years and she wanted to save her money, so the only way was to buy a house that wouldn't be too expensive and in a good shape.

After a few more minutes, she decided that she couldn't do all this alone. She needed help from someone, but who could help her now?

There was only one person, who could do it, but would he be willing to help her? She had no other choice, but to try it.

She grabbed the receiver and dialed a number that got familiar over the years. When someone was answering the phone on the other end of the line, she listened and said: "It's Mac. I need your help."

Washington D.C.

Clayton Webb's place

Clayton Webb was surprised to hear Macs voice. Normally Rabb would call and ask for his help but not Mac. So something must be really wrong, he figured out. Rabb must done something wrong, maybe killed another Russian or he was again looking for his father after some crazy spy has told him some lies.

"What had Rabb done this time that you need my help? Has he tried" Webb started but as he heard Mac sighing over the phone he stopped.

"Mac, is everything all right?" he asked concerned.

"No nothing is ok. I have a lot of problems and I hope you are willing to help me. I need you." 

Clayton Webb was silent for a moment.

That didn't sound like the brave Marine he knew.

"What's wrong, Mac?"

"At first stop calling me Mac. It's Catherine from now on" 

"Catherine?" he was really surprised.

"When you promise that you help me I tell you everything." 

"I help you. But tell me that I won't regret it."

"Clay you won't." 

"Ok, what's your story?"

"Can you come to Chicago? I would rather talk to you in person." 

"Chicago?"

"Please, I need someone to help me." 

"Why not Rabb?"

"It's a long story. And please don't tell him anything. Everything about me has to stay a secret." 

"I am good in keeping secrets," Webb answered.

"Can you come today?" 

"Sure."

"Ok, I am waiting at the airport for you to arrive." 

With that Mac hang the phone up.

Clayton Webb wondered what had happened.

His first idea was to call Rabb and ask him. But then he remembered his promise.

He had to wait until tonight and hear the story from Mac. But he guessed that it had to do with Rabb.

Chicago

Mac's Hotel room

0104 Zulu (08:04 PM EST)

Mac and Clayton sat together in her hotel room.

Clayton Webb was listening to the story she was telling him.

"On Christmas I have had the most wonderful night. It seemed that all my dreams had come true. It was a night full of passionate lovemaking. But later the night I have realized what a mistake I have made. Harm isn't able to love anyone and I don't want another broken heart. That's why I choose to leave everyone and everything. I have resigned my commission today. The letter is already on its way to JAG. I have sent it to the post office of Seattle/Washington and asked them to send it to Falls Church/Virginia. Harm can never track me down. I have sold my 'Vette in Detroit. I give up everything what remembers me of who I was. From now on Sarah Mackenzie, Lieutenant Colonel in the USMC doesn't exist anymore. I am now Catherine O'Hara, lawyer. That's where I need you. Clay I need a new identity, a house, a job - everything" Mac told him.

"Just because you have spent one night with Rabb?" he asked in disbelief.

"It was not only one night. This night has changed everything."

Mac looked away. It had been a wonderful night and she didn't regret it, not really. She had wanted to do it since a long time. The consequences scared her. The moment she had deepened the kiss she knew that she had lost her best friend and as she awoke in the night, she had known that she had also lost her partner at work and some day she would have lost her lover. She had chosen the now to end it.

"I still can't understand why you want to disappear."

"I don't want to, but I have to."

"I know that Rabb doesn't have the best track record when it comes to relationships but"

"No Clay. I know what you are about to say and I can't risk it. Please, I need your help. I can't go back. It is too late." Mac interrupted him.

Clayton looked at her for a moment. He didn't look at the strong Marine he had known all this years. This was a hurt young woman, deeply in love and scared to death.

"Are you really sure that you want it?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Ok Catherine, or can I call you Cathy?"

"I would rather prefer" Mac started.

"Ok Cathy see you tomorrow" Webb interrupted her and stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"To my room. I have booked one in the ASTORIA. See you tomorrow at 9:00 sharp?" he asked.

"Sure but what for?"

"We go buying a house. . . Oh and Ma, erh, Cathy, do you have enough to wear? Or just what you have thrown in the suitcase?" Webb asked.

"Just what is in my suitcase."

Before Clayton Webb could reply anything. His cell phone rang.

"Webb."

"I need you." 

"Hello Rabb, nice to hear your voice."

Mac grew pale as she heard his name.

"Mac is gone." 

"Gone?" Webb asked innocently.

"Yes gone. I haven't seen her for two days." 

"Maybe she visits Chloe or her Uncle."

"Can you help me? I need to find her. . . . I love her." 

"I am on a mission but when I am back, we can talk, maybe."

Then Clayton ended the call. He turned around and looked at Mac.

"I have made a promise. I won't tell him. I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks. You are a good man, Clayton Webb." Mac said and smiled.

"Bye. See you tomorrow." With that, he shut the door with a soft click behind himself.

Chicago

Mac's Hotel room

1359 Zulu (08:59 AM EST)

"I'm right there! Just a second!" Mac shouted from the bathroom and put the finishing touches to her make-up. With one last look into the mirror, she decided that she looked good and certainly different than usual. She went to the hotel room door and opened it to see Webb standing there.

"Morning, Clay. You are right on time!" Something that Harm wasn't able to do in all those years. She chastised herself for thinking of him again, but she couldn't help it. It was something that made him very loveable.

"Cathy?" Webb tried to get her attention.

"I'm sorry, I was zoning for a moment. What did you say?"

"I just asked if you were ready to go."

"Oh, sure. Let's go house hunting," she smiled at him. It was a fake smile, but it was the best she could do at the moment.

They stepped out of the room and Mac closed the door behind her. Hopefully, she would find a new home.

Mac's Hotel room

0029 Zulu (07:29 PM EST)

"I still don't know how to thank you, Clay!" Mac said as she entered her hotel room. "That house is so beautiful! I'm sure it will be great to live in it."

"I'm glad that you liked that one, since it was the last one on the list." Webb smiled at Mac, who looked quite embarrassed at that.

"I'm sorry that it took so long to find a suitable house. I will be thankful for everything you did for the rest of my life!" She said truthfully to him.

"It's okay, Cathy. Now, I guess you should pack your suitcase and then you can move into your new home. You'll need to buy more furniture, but you can live a few days with the furniture that's there right now."

"Okay, give me half an hour and we can go." Mac smiled happily and went to the closet to gather her things.

"You think you can do that so fast?" Webb glanced amused at Mac who was hurrying through the room.

"Yes, I think I can do that. No, I HAVE to do that so fast. The longer I'm here, the bigger gets the possibility that Harm could somehow track me down, and that's something I don't want!" Mac looked quite miserable as she stood in the middle of the room with some of her clothes in her hands and a sad expression on her face.

"I know, but I promise that I'll do everything to keep this a secret. Harm will never know where you are, unless you are telling him this by yourself, of which I'm sure you won't." Clay went to the window to look outside. It was already dark and only a few people were hurrying down the streets. "So, tell me, Cathy, what did you do on Christmas Eve?"

"I was on my way to Chicago. I already told you that." Mac threw him an impatient look.

"Yes, you're right, but I'm sure you did something to let it seem like Christmas to you, like going to church or such a thing."

"No, I don't like Christmas at all. It's a sad season for me. Harm and I were alike in that way. He had terrible memories of Christmas, and I had them, too." Mac finished her sentence with a look that told Webb to change the subject as quickly as possible. He knew that she was serious and tried to think of a better subject to talk about.

"And what are your plans for New Year's Eve? You are new in the city and you don't know anybody here, so you won't have anything to do then."

"No, and frankly, I don't want to celebrate the New Year. I guess I will sit at home and think about some things or I'll try to find a job." Mac was finished with her suitcase and closed the lid.

"Now that you mentioned it. I talked to some people and I found a job for you." Webb sounded mysteriously as he said that, but Mac had no idea why. "Do you want to work in another job than the justice?"

"Uhm, no. Why?" Mac looked puzzled at Webb.

"I found a way how you can still be a lawyer. I can't tell you all the details, but you have your new job from now on, if you want to have it. It's in a very good law firm."

"Are you serious? My God, you are serious! How did you do that? Oh, never mind. I'm so…I don't…I cannot even find the words to thank you. Thanks so much for this, Clay! I owe you big time!" Mac seemed very happy for the first time since Webb saw her here in Chicago.

"Never mind, Cathy. That's what friends are doing to help each other." He wasn't sure if they were really friends, but after everything Mac had told him about her current situation, he figured that they were close to being friends.

"Yes, that's what friends are for," Mac said with a dreamy expression. She was thinking about Harm again, even though she didn't wanted it.

"I will be at your house tomorrow morning to show you your new working place. Let's say 9:00? Is that okay for you, or do you need more time, since you'll have to move in tonight and get some things cleaned up."

"No, that's okay. The sooner the better. Okay, my bags are packed and I'm ready to go now." Mac took her bags and left the room, with Webb right behind her, suitcase in hand.

Mac's new house

0123 Zulu (08:23 PM EST)

"Where should I put the suitcase down?" Webb asked as soon as he entered the building.

"Just put it down where you are standing. I will find a better place later. You know, this house has two bedrooms and I still have to decide which one to take. I won't ever need the second bedroom, but it's here, so I guess I can make something else out of it. I have no idea what it could be, but I'll figure it out as soon as possible." She smiled at Webb and wanted to say something else, but she didn't know what. She wanted him so badly to tell Harm that she is all right, since she knew from his phone call the night before that he was scared to death that something happened to her, but she couldn't risk it.

"So, I will leave you alone now, and we'll see each other tomorrow morning for your new job." Webb turned around and stepped onto the steps in front of the building. "Good night, Cathy."

"'Night, Clay. And thanks again." With that, Mac closed the door, took her suitcase and headed upstairs to get everything ready. Tomorrow would be a long day, and she needed to get more sleep than the nights before, so she couldn't deal with unimportant things like putting everything away.

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Washington D.C.

0530 ZULU (00:30 AM EST)

Harm couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her, Mac. He could see her smile, he could hear her laugh. God, he missed her. Harm missed her that it hurt.

He sat up in his bed, wiped away his tears and took a framed picture of the both of them from his nightstand. A picture and memories - that was everything, left of his Sarah.

"Sarah where are you? Why have you left me?"

A second later the glass was covered with teardrops. Harm cried for his Sarah, the woman he had wanted most and lost after a wonderful night.

It was a heartbroken scene, a lover grieving about a lost love. He didn't know what he had done wrong, except loving her.

Mac's new house

Chicago

At the same time

Mac couldn't sleep, too.

She was sitting in her living room on the couch and thought about the emotional roller coaster she had been on.

She was now at the point of no return. She couldn't go back, Harm would never forgive her what she had done. No one would ever forgive her.

Mac cried silent tears like her lover did in Washington.

Mac's new house

Chicago

1400 ZULU (09:00 AM EST)

Mac had spent the whole night on the couch, after a lot of tears she had fallen into a fitful sleep.

A knock at the door woke her up.

As Mac went to answer it, Clayton Webb stood outside, holding a shopping bag and two cups of Starbucks coffee.

"Morning Cathy! I thought you would need one," he said, and then he noticed the dark circles under her eyes.

"Wonderful idea!" Mac said and took one cup out of his hand, walking inside.

Clayton followed her inside, closing the door behind him and sat down on the couch together with her.

"This is my belated Christmas present for you." He took a thick brown envelope out of his pocket.

"What's this?" Mac asked as she took the envelope out of his hands.

"Passport, drivers-license, birth-certificate, testimony and everything else what you need for a new life as Catherine Patricia O'Hara. I took the liberty to choose everything even a new middle-name."

Mac looked at the information about her new life.

"Born June, 17th 1968 in Del Rio, graduated at the Texas State University, last job Hogan & Myers L.L.P. in Detroit. Wow, an impressive life," Mac said.

"For an impressive lady. Cathy, it must have taken all your courage to do what you did."

"Yes," she whispered.

JAG HQ

Admiral Chegwidden's office

Falls Church, Virginia

At the same time

The Admiral looked through his mail.

There was a letter from Mac, he knew her handwriting very well. He eagerly opened it. He hoped for news on her, but what he read shocked him.

"I am sorry to do it but I have made up my mind, Sir. Please accept that I resign my commission. It is my decision. It was a pleasure to serve under your command. Sarah Mackenzie," he read aloud.

He took deep breaths, he had to tell his staff, and more important, he had to tell Harm. He knew that Rabb would take it hard, she was his best friend and now she was gone. She had given up everything and he didn't know why.

Sighing, he stood up and went to the daily staff meeting. He had a hard job to do by telling his staff about Mac's decision. The Admiral felt like walking to his one execution.

Conference room

When the Admiral walked into the room, everyone was there, looking at him. They didn't know what he had to tell them.

After he had sit down, he started to tell them the news.

"I am sorry to inform you that Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie had resigned her commission," he said with a heavy heart.

"WHAT?" Everyone was surprised, shocked, he could hear gasps. Just Harm was silent.

"Why, Sir?" Bud finally asked.

"I don't know. I have received a letter today that it is her wish."

Harm knew why she had done it. She couldn't live with what had happened on Christmas. He had been a one-night-stand for her. He fought the tears back very hard. Harm realized that he had lost everything. At this second his heart broke.

Abruptly, he stood up and left the room. He didn't want his friends and coworkers to see his tears.

Four days later

Corelli and Partners L.L.P.

1500 ZULU (10:00 AM EST)

Mac stood in a big conference room, many eyes on her.

Clayton had arranged for her to start working at a big law firm and he had bought her what she was wearing today, a crème colored suit.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Catherine O'Hara. She has joined our firm today. She had worked many years for a small law firm in Detroit and now she is here. Let us help her to find her way into our family, because that is what we are, a family," Mister Corelli introduced Mac.

He remembered Mac of the Admiral, a kind old man. Mac felt like home. This place remembered her of JAG. Oh JAG; that is where her friends are.

"Hi, I am Darla, Darla Hanson. I will show you your office," a young redhead said to her.

"Hello Darla. My friends call me Cathy," Mac said and smiled. It was a bitter smile. She hadn't friends anymore. Mac had left her friends.

Mac's new office

"That's where you will work," Darla said.

Mac looked around in the office. It was quite bigger than her old office at JAG. She sat the box she had been carrying down, and took out some pictures. When she had left Washington, she had taken some pictures with her, pictures of her past. But she couldn't place most of them in public.

She placed a childhood picture of herself and her Uncle Matt and one of her and Clayton Webb at the Nato ball on the table.

"Your family?" Darla asked and pointed at the pictures.

"Yes, the only one I have."

"Now you have another family," Darla said and smiled. She didn't know how much this sentence hurt Mac. Mac had left everyone and everything because of one night with Harm. She couldn't go back, never. She had to live with a lie, forever.

Four weeks later

Mac's place

1104 Zulu (06:04 AM EST)

'This isn't happening! This is not true! It can't be true! Well, okay, it can, but it shouldn't have happened!' Mac's thoughts were in a whirl. She was devastated and shocked about the news. In her hand was a stick with a nice blue spot on it. That meant only one thing: She was pregnant. She was suspecting it, when she hadn't felt well the last week, but she always shoved the thought to the back of her mind. It wasn't allowed to happen in her current situation. She just started a new job and everything was going well. The thoughts of Harm were gone for a couple of weeks now, but as soon as she saw the result of the pregnancy test, she had to think of him again. What should she tell him? She should tell him that he was going to be a father, or should she keep it a secret? Her mind couldn't find a solution to this problem. She really wanted to tell him, but she was also afraid of it. What would he say about this? Would he be happy? Before everything became so difficult, she would have said 'yes, he would be happy', but now it was different. He could be angry that she left without a word, and she couldn't deal with that right now. Someday, she would tell him about his child eventually, but not now.

She put the test away and stood up, when a sudden thought hit her. Maybe the test result was wrong! That happens sometimes, and it was a possibility she had to count on. The only way to find out if she is really pregnant, is to go to a gynecologist.

Mac went to a shelf and took the phone book out of it. She leafed through it and found the number she was searching for. Picking up the receiver, she dialed the number and waited impatiently for someone to pick up.

"Dr. Sparks' practice. Good morning. How may I help you?" The nice voice of a young woman was answering the phone.

Mac sent a silent prayer to heaven that she found a gynecologist, who opened very early in the morning. Even if it was only one day a week, for everyone who has to work when the usual consulting hours were.

"Good morning, my name is Catherine O'Hara and I need to see the doctor as soon as possible."

"Let me check Ms. O'Hara. The next free appointment is this afternoon at 4 o'clock. Shall I put your name into today's schedule?" The woman seemed very nice and Mac forgot for a moment why she was calling.

"Yes, that would be nice. I will be there. Good bye." Mac put the receiver down and sighed deeply. The next thing would be going there and learning the truth. She took her keys and left her house to go to work. It was a little early, but since she had the appointment this afternoon, she had to leave work earlier than usual.

Sighing again, she got into her car and drove to work.

Dr. Sparks' practice

2058 Zulu (03:58 PM EST)

Mac stepped into the practice and went to the receptionist.

"Hello, my name's Catherine O'Hara. I had an appointment this afternoon."

"Yes, Ms. O'Hara. Dr. Sparks is awaiting you. You can go in. It's the door over there." She was pointing to the left.

"Thanks." Mac smiled and went to the door, the receptionist was pointing to. She felt very nervous. This was it. Either it were great news, or, well, not so great news. But she couldn't decide which would be the great news: That she was pregnant or not.

She knocked on the door.

"Enter!"

Mac opened the door and stepped into the office. Behind a desk was a woman around the age of 40 smiling at her. "You must be Ms. O'Hara."

"Yes, that's me." Mac smiled back and sat down onto the chair, Dr. Sparks was pointing to.

"So, what's on your mind? You look quite worried."

"Well, I think I might be pregnant. I made a test and it was positive, but I thought I should consult a doctor first." Mac looked down and made the impression of a devastated woman.

"Then let's see if the test was right."

Mac's car

2152 Zulu (04:52 PM EST)

It was true. She was going to have a baby. Her life made a sharp turn into a direction that was quite complicated at the moment, but she couldn't change the past. She always wanted a baby of her own, but not under these circumstances! Dr. Sparks had felt Mac's concerns and asked her if she wanted to have an abortion, but that was something, Mac could never do. She wanted to have this baby so badly that it hurt. She could do it. She will have the baby and give everything to him or her that she could afford.

Now she needed someone to talk to about the new situation and how her life will change from now on. Only one person came to her mind: Clayton Webb.

Webb's office

2227 Zulu (05:27 PM EST)

Webb picked up the ringing phone after the second ring.

"Webb."

"Clay? I need to talk to you about some things." Mac's shaking voice was coming through the receiver.

"Cathy? What happened? Is everything all right?" Webb was concerned about Mac's call and the tone of her voice. It wasn't the one he was used to nowadays. It sounded somewhat desperate.

"I cannot tell you over the phone. Could you please come here, so we can speak in person? Please, Clay, it's important!"

"Of course! I don't have anything important to do right now, so I'll try to get the next plane to get to you. I'll call you as soon as I'm there." While Webb was speaking to Mac, he already searched for another number to get the airline ticket, to get to Chicago as soon as possible.

"Thanks, Clay. I really appreciate your help!"

"I'll call you later, Cathy." He disconnected the call and dialed another number to get his tickets.

As soon as he had his flight to Chicago, he dialed another number.

"Rabb." A slightly anxious voice sounded over the phone, which made Webb grimace a little.

"I cannot meet you today, Rabb. Something important happened and I have to go out of town. Can we reschedule our meeting?" He hated to lie to Harm, but there was no other way, and he certainly would never tell him about Mac. He promised her to keep everything a secret and he is a man who keeps his promises.

Harm sighed and said: "It's okay, Webb. I know that you still have a job and that has to go first. When will you be back?"

"I'm not sure, but I guess in a few days. Maybe two or three days."

"Okay. Will you call me then? You know, it is important that I will find Sarah." Harm sighed again. It was more than five weeks now, but he still tried to find her.

"I know, Rabb. Believe me, I know it." He wanted to tell Harm the truth, but he couldn't. He felt bad about it. "Listen, I'll call you as soon as I'm back." Without waiting for an answer, he put the receiver down and stood to get out of his office. He still had a plane to catch.

Outside Mac's new house

Chicago

0100 ZULU (08:00 PM EST)

Mac had sounded worried. He knew instinctively that something must be really wrong.

Mac had given him a key to her house, just in case of emergency and he figured out that this was an emergency.

As he walked into her living room, he saw her pacing through the room. Every now and then pushing some hair out of her face, sighing, mumbling words he couldn't understand.

Mac hadn't noticed his presence.

"Cathy?" Webb said to get her attention.

Mac turned around to the sound of his voice and looked at him with a tearstained face.

"Oh God Clay," she exclaimed and flung herself into his arms.

Webb just held her while she cried. He stroked her back to comfort her. Something must be really wrong, when she reacted like that.

After a while, she lifted her head and looked at him.

"I am having his baby," Mac simply said.

"Whose?"

"Harm's baby. I am pregnant."

Clayton Webb didn't realize what Mac had told him, at first. And then it hit him.

"You are pregnant with Harm's child?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Come on, let's sit down," he suggested.

Both sat down on the couch. Webb thought about the whole situation for a moment. Now the whole situation was different. There was not only a woman who needed his protection, now there would be a child, Rabb's child, too. If Harm would ever find out that he helped his love and his child to hide, Webb would have more then just a broken nose. But on the other hand, maybe Mac didn't want the child.

"How do you think about having his child?" Webb finally asked.

"It's my baby not his."

"You want this baby?!" It was more a statement than a question.

"More than anything in the world."

"Will you tell him?"

"This baby will have a wonderful mother, the best I can be. My baby didn't need his or her father in his or her life," Mac stated.

"All right. I guess you need my help."

"Yes."

"I would be happy to be a part of the baby's life," Webb said and smiled.

Mac had never really seen him smile. Okay, there had been times when the tin man had been smiling, but this smile was different.

"I don't want you to be the surrogated father. I want you to be just Uncle Clay," Mac said.

"I know. Baby O'Hara will have a wonderful Uncle. Cathy, I will always be there for you and your child," Webb promised her. He took her hand in his.

February 14th

Washington D.C.

0100 ZULU (09:00 PM EST)

Harm stood at the Potomac River, a bunch of red roses in his hand. Tears streaming down his face. After Mac has left him without a word, which has been 7 weeks ago, he had changed. He wasn't the cocky, arrogant ex-aviator anymore. He was a broken man. There wasn't really anything that made him smile anymore. He had lost his sunshine.

Today on Valentines Day, he stood at night at the river and looked at the stars above him.

"Sarah where are you? I love you!"

Now the three words slipped so easily over his lips, but there was no one who would hear them. It was a horrible pain he felt inside. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out. The day Mac had left him, his heart stopped beating. It seemed for him, as if he was dead, living in a never-ending nightmare.

Clayton Webb hadn't been a great help in searching Sarah. Yes, they had tracked down the letter to Seattle. But Mac wasn't in Seattle. They have searched her at every place where she could have run to, but she was nowhere. It was as if she had disappeared.

Harm looked at the roses in his hand.

"Sarah, these are for you, my love." And with that, he threw them into the Potomac, hoping that she would receive them. That she would come back to him.

Mac's new house

Chicago

Two months later

Mac felt Webb's hands on her neck as she leaned over the toilet.

He was stroking her hair as she emptied her stomach. Her morning sickness became worse as the months went by. She was four and a half months pregnant, and starting to show.

Webb was a great help and support. Every now and then, he was in Chicago by her side. He had promised her that he would be there for her and if she wanted to, he would be by her side when she had to give birth. And Mac knew she would need him there.

Mac cherished his help and support.

The only thing she didn't want was hearing stories about her old life. And Webb accepted it. He understood her need to finish this chapter of her life. Mac had to look into the future for her sake and for that of her child.

Sometimes it was hard for Webb to lie to Harm. Yes, for him, the secret agent man, it was hard to lie. He had seen Harm crying a lot in the last 4 months.

One night, Harm had shown up at his apartment, devastated and drunk, crying about the loss of his love. For just a split second, Webb had thought about telling him where Mac was, but then he remembered his promise to Mac. He couldn't betray Mac's trust in him.

October 2002

Mac's place

0102 Zulu (09:02 PM EST)

Mac sat on the sofa and softly stroked her large belly. Only one more month. On the one hand, she was happy about getting the baby, but on the other hand, she was sad. Sad that her baby would have to grow up without a father.

As soon as she had thought that, she shoved those thoughts aside and stood up to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Standing there, she saw movement in front of her house and stood stock still, fearing that it could be Harm. But he couldn't have found her, could he? Webb promised that he would keep everything a secret, but there was a small possibility that Harm could have found her without Webb's help. 'Now, take a deep breath and try to think reasonable!' she thought to herself. Every time something happened, she automatically thought of Harm. That has to stop or she would surely go insane in a couple of weeks.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Mac went to open it and found a smiling Webb in front of it.

"Hey, Cathy! Sorry to disturb you at this time, but I just flew in to Chicago and the flight back to DC is in three and a half hours, so I had to come here so late," Webb apologized and threw a glance to the car parking in front of the house.

"It's okay, Clay. I was still awake and thinking about some things. So, why are you here for such a short time? A new case?" Mac let him in and went to the living room with Webb in tow.

"No, not a new case. I just wanted to see you. And there is something else." He stood in front of the window and looked outside. Mac couldn't help it, but felt a shiver on her spine. What was happening here?

"Then what is it? You are scaring me, Clay!" Webb turned around and looked into the face of a very scared Mac. That wasn't the way he had planned it. He should do something that she would forget her fear. He knew that she was thinking about Harm again, and that it was a constant fear in her life that he could find her. He didn't know why though, but he knew that she should get over this as soon as possible, especially for the sake of her baby.

"It's nothing dangerous, Cathy! No need to be afraid. I just saw something while I was driving through DC, and I knew it would be perfect for you and your baby. Wait a minute and I will get it from the car." With that, he left the house and went to his car. Mac followed him to the door and watched him opening the trunk. He took a large box out of it and carried it to the house.

"What is this, Clay?" Mac eyed the box suspiciously and searched for a hint for what could be inside of it.

"That is a little gift for your baby. As I said, I knew it was perfect." He smiled and carried the box up to the second floor, where he put it down in the room where Mac had started to put all the things for the baby in. It was the room for her baby and the gift was for this room. "Do you want to open it, or shall I?"

"Go ahead. I don't think I can bend down to open it." Mac smiled at him and watched him opening the box.

Inside was a beautiful white baby crib with little teddy bears on the front. The cover was decorated with teddy bears and balloons and it was mostly in a bright blue.

"Clay, that's beautiful! My God, where did you find such a beautiful crib? I don't get it. Why did you bought it for my baby?" Mac was on the verge of tears.

"It was a small baby store in DC. The crib was in the window of the shop and I had to buy it for you. You had so many problems the last couple of months that I figured you could use something like this. Consider it a welcome gift for your baby." Webb continued to take the crib out of the box to build it up. He never did such a thing before, but he thought that it couldn't be so difficult.

"Thank you so much, Clay! And I'm sure my baby will thank you, too." Mac smiled at him. "But why blue? You don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Even I don't know it."

"I'm sure you will getting a son. I don't know why. It's just this feeling I have. But when it's a girl, you can easily use another cover in another color." Webb struggled to build up the crib, but he wanted to do this.

"Thanks. I love the crib so much." Mac sat down into the chair that was already in the room and watched Webb building up the crib. It was an amusing view and she couldn't help but giggle. Webb looked up and saw her giggling at his struggle with the crib, but said nothing. He was just glad that she smiled and seemed to be happier than before.

October 20, 2002

Isabelle's Café

2307 Zulu (06:07 PM EST)

"So, is everything ready for the arrival of the baby?" Darla Hanson smiled happily at Mac. She became a close friend to Mac over the last months and Mac trusted her with nearly everything. The only things, she never told her about, was her life before she came to Chicago. Darla asked her a few times who the father was and why he wasn't with her, but Mac invented a story about a man who never loved her enough to commit to her and the baby made it worse. She could only hope that Darla believed the story, though she could see that she didn't. But that wasn't important, as long as Mac kept the true story a secret and Darla never asked for it, everything was all right.

"Yes, the room is ready, the clothes are there, the diapers - everything." Mac smiled, too, and took a sip from her glass of water.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say the date would be sometime in the middle of October?"

"Yes, that was it what my doctor told me. We are now in October and it has only a few days left, so I guess it's nearly time. You know, I'm scared of giving birth. I have never done that before and I don't know if I can do that now. It's so new for me." Mac looked down and tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to flow down.

"That's perfectly normal for your situation. You have something new in your life and that is scaring you, because you don't know how to deal with it. But you will manage! That I'm sure of. Do you remember the time when you got your first bike and tried to ride it? I bet you fell down the first few times, but later you did wonderful!" Darla stopped and watched Mac, who had a very sad expression on her face. Without knowing it, she had reminded her of her childhood, which was the most terrible time of her life. "Is everything all right? Did I say something wrong?"

Mac wanted to tell her so badly, why the simple thought of her childhood hurt her so much, but she couldn't. "No, I was just drifting a little. The last couple of months were terrible for me, but you helped a lot! I don't know if I could have managed to get my life in a good order, if you wouldn't have been there. I really have to thank you for that."

"No problem, Cathy. I'm your friend. Remember? I will help you with the baby and everything else. You do have other friends, don't you? Please tell me that I'm not your only friend right now!" Darla looked as sad as Mac now, and Mac nearly laughed about that. There they were - two women sitting in a café, looking as if someone died, but talking about babies.

"I do have another friend, but no more than you two. He helped me to get settled in Chicago and he visits me once in a while."

"So, he is just a friend or more?" Darla smiled mischievously at Mac.

"He is just a friend, but a close friend, nothing else." Mac thought about Harm again and wondered what he was doing right now. Was he still searching for her, or had he stopped his search and got a new girlfriend. She knew that it was ridiculous to think about this now, but she couldn't help it. She still loved him and that would never change. She made a mental note to put a picture of Harm into the baby's room, so that he or she knows his or her father and can see him every day.

"Cathy? Are you still with me?" Darla waved her hand in front of Mac and tried to get her attention.

"Uh, sure, I'm here. I was just zoning for a minute." She smiled sadly at Darla.

"Thinking about the baby's father, huh? He must have been someone special for you."

"In fact, I was thinking about him, and he really was someone special, but not anymore. That chapter of my life is over and I won't ever think about it again, but my mind keeps wandering to him every now and then, and I cannot stop it." A tear was slipping down her face.

"I guess you cannot stop it. You have someone in your life who will remind you of him every day. But it's okay. Even if he was so terrible, you don't have to think about that. Think about the good times you had with him and how happy you were, and when you think it's getting too much and you want him back, than think about what he had done to hurt you and the pain will go away." Darla put her hand on Mac's and smiled assuring. That made Mac feel a little better, but nothing more.

"Yes, you're right." As if it was that easy, but she had to pretend to do that for Darla. She only tried to help her.

Suddenly, Mac was gasping a little surprised.

"Is everything okay, Cathy?" Darla was worried, since Mac became very pale.

"No, I think it's time." Mac tried to speak, but it was difficult with all the pain.

"Time? Time for what? Oh, you mean time! Now?!" Darla jumped up and hurried to Mac to help her up and to the car.

"Yes, now. I guess the little one heard our talk about the date of his birthday!"

"That must be the reason for the contractions starting now." Darla laughed and helped Mac into the car.

Hospital

Chicago

2 hours later

Darla stood next to Mac at her side, holding her hand.

Mac wanted someone else at her side. She wanted Harm, but she knew that it was impossible. After everything she had done, she couldn't. But Webb, he had promised to be there for her when it was time for the baby to be born.

"Darla, call a friend for me. I need him," Mac said finally.

"Sure. Give me his number, I call him."

"Thanks Darla."

After Mac has told her the cell phone number, Darla stormed out of the room, running towards the nearby phone.

JAG HQ

Admiral Chegwidden's office

Falls Church, Virginia

0110 ZULU (08:10 PM EST)

Harm, Webb and the Admiral were still in his office, talking about the search for Mac when Webb's cell phone rang.

"Webb," he barked into the phone.

"Hi, I am Darla Hanson, a friend of Cathy."

"What do you want?"

"She needs you. It's time for the baby to be born and Cathy needs you at her side," Darla told Webb over the phone.

Clayton Webb became pale for a moment, thinking about what Darla had told him just three seconds ago. He had read a lot about childbirth in the last months, but now the moment had arrived. Now he had to find a way to go to Chicago without telling them.

"I will be there as soon as possible!" With that, Clayton Webb ended the call.

"Who was it? Someone with information on Mac?" Harm asked hopefully.

It was on Webb's tongue; the sentence: She is giving birth to your child.

But then he thought about it twice. No, he couldn't tell them, ever.

"No, not about Mac. She is not the only problem I have. A mission went horrible wrong and now they need me," Webb lied.

"Every time you are involved in a mission, it goes wrong," Harm said.

"Yeah, but I promise you that one day you have your Sarah back," Webb said, not knowing if he maybe would break his promise in the future.

"I hold you to that," Harm said.

"You can," Webb said and left.

Some hours later

Hospital

Clayton Webb peeked his head around the corner.

"Clay, come in," Mac smiled.

"Hi Cathy. How are you doing?"

"Nine centimeters."

"And she has an epidural," Darla added.

"I have contractions since 6 hours 38 minutes and 13 seconds and I'll kill every man who ever wants to touch me," Mac added, too.

"I know you won't." Clayton Webb was smiling. The Mac he had known was back.

"I hadn't known that childbirth is this painful," Mac said.

After another thirty minutes, Darla went home, but not before Clayton had promised her to call her as soon as Baby O'Hara was born.

The doctor came back to check on Mac.

He and the nurse had a hushed conversation in the corner.

Clayton sensed that something wasn't going right. And Mac sensed it too. Clayton Webb thought about calling Harm for a second. He had no right to be here, at Mac's side, but Harm had. Harmon Rabb, junior was the father of this child.

"Miss O'Hara, you've been at nine centimeters far too long. The baby isn't going past zero station as quickly as we would like to see. Pitocin can cause stress on the baby and we are seeing indications of that stress on the monitor. We can't raise the dosage anymore. It is what we call failure to progress. We are going to have to seriously consider a c-section."

"Will the baby be okay," Clayton asked worried.

"I'm sure he will be. But we need a healthy mom and a healthy baby. She's worn down," the doctor explained.

"Go ahead," Mac said.

"I'll get the surgical team ready. We do c-sections right down the hall, so you won't have to leave the maternity ward," the doctor informed her, before leaving the room.

Mac reached out towards Clayton.

"Don't leave me."

"Never."

15 minutes later

Clayton walked in the room. Mac had already been wheeled in there, and the anesthesiologist was working hard. All of a sudden, it went from "two people having a baby" to "a team having a baby".

Mac was shaking and Clayton tried to calm her by holding her hand. He was still thinking that he maybe should call Harm.

"The anesthetics do that," a nurse informed him.

Mac looked much smaller in this bright, sterile room.

"This isn't how I wanted this to go," Mac said to him, speaking in a shaky voice.

The surgical team was busy getting her prepped and the doctor was explaining to Clayton what to expect.

"You're not squeamish, are you?" the doctor asked Clayton.

"You wouldn't believe what I've seen in my line of work."

"Nothing compares to the insides of your friend. Or the birth of a child. Trust me on that one."

"Cathy," Clayton Webb looked at Mac.

"Yeah?" she asked, sounding very tired.

"Thanks."

"For what?" she wanted to know, turning her head to be able to look at her only friend.

She had an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose and so many tubes running here and there.

"Choosing me to be here with you. To let me be a part of your life and of the life of your baby."

"You're welcome."

Harms Apartment

North of Union Station

Midnight

Harm stood at the window, looking outside, a framed picture of Mac clutched to his chest, tears streaming down his face.

Then he looked at the picture for a long time.

This was taken during a time full of happiness.

He brushed his thumb over the glass.

Sarah is the most beautiful woman in the entire world.

Harm smiled, for the first time in weeks. It was a real smile not a faked one. Then he sighed and put the picture back in the drawer.

That is the way it has to be. I have to forget her.

In the hospital

2 hours past midnight

"It's a boy!" the doctor exclaimed, confirming what Clayton had already suspected.

The nurses took him over to the corner to warm him up, get his APGAR scores and clean him.

"He's seven pounds, eight ounces and twenty inches long," someone said.

"The time of birth was 02:02 a.m.," another nurse wrote down.

"Dad, would you like to show him to your wife?" someone asked Clayton after what felt like forever. Neither he, nor Mac had corrected the nurse that he wasn't the baby's father.

He came back carrying a little package swaddled in a blue blanket. His arms contained the most beautiful human being on earth.

"Cathy, is there a reason he looks like Admiral Chegwidden?" Clayton teased her. He spoke in a low voice, that only Mac could hear him.

Three days later

Chicago

"Easy Cathy," Clayton said as he helped Mac out of the car.

"All right. Just give me a minute," Mac answered and grimaced slightly as she stood up.

"If you'll hang on, I'll get Nicholas and then I'll help you in." Clayton hurried around to the other side of the car.

Mac had decided to name her child Nicholas, after her favorite author, Nicholas Sparks. She didn't want him to have the name Harmon after his father. A child with the name Harmon would spend many hours with a psychiatrist.

A few seconds later, with one arm around Mac and the other holding the baby carrier, they headed inside.

"To bed. You are in no condition to moving around. I'll take care of Nic."

"He's probably hungry," Mac piped up as she slowly made her way to the bedroom.

"You were right. He is your son, always hungry." Clayton smiled a few seconds later as

Nicholas started to cry, once he took him out of the carrier.

He followed Mac into the bedroom, handing her the baby, once she was settled on the bed.

2 months later

Harms apartment

North of Union Station

Washington D.C.

0400 ZULU (11:00 PM EST)

As Clayton Webb opened Harm's apartment with the spare key, he was really worried. Harm hadn't called him since one week. Normally, Harm would call him twice a day.

During the last week, Clayton had been wrapped up in spending time with Mac and the baby. Sometimes, it felt for him like the family he had never had and would never have.

Harm was sitting in his apartment in the darkness. Alone.

"God Rabb, are you all right? You kind of scared me," Clayton said.

"Why have I?"

"You haven't called."

Harm laughed a bitter laugh. "There was no reason to call you. In three days it is a year since I have seen her the last time. Do you know what we have done when I have seen her last year?"

"You are drunk," Clayton realized.

"Maybe I am, but I still remember everything."

"Come on. I'll make you coffee and you go and take a shower. Mac wouldn't like it when she returns and finds you drunk," he said.

"She will never return to me."

"I know she will, one day she will be back at your side. Remember what I have promised you," Clayton Webb reminded Harm.

"Yeah. But you still haven't found her."

"I will. One day, I will."

"We have made love," Harm blurted out.

"Rabb come get up. Under the shower," Webb commanded.

It hurt Clayton Webb to see his friend in such a pain, but he couldn't tell him.

This year, Christmas hurt Harm more than anything. It was not only the anniversary of his father's shot-down in Vietnam; it was the day he lost the love of his life, too.

Christmas Eve

Harm's apartment

0107 Zulu (08:07 PM EST)

Harm sat in front of his fireplace. A worn picture of Mac clutched in his hands. He memorized all the details of it. She was so beautiful and she still is. He haven't seen her for a long time now, and he didn't know if and how she had changed, but he knew that she looks beautiful in every way.

He turned around when he saw a slight movement outside. He was greeted with the sight of small snowflakes making their way down to earth. Some of them looked like little Angels, sitting on his window trying to tell him something. He couldn't shake off this feeling that this was something important. Nah, what is he thinking? He was so devastated that started to imagine things. But wasn't Christmas the time of wonders?

Before he could follow this line of thoughts, someone was knocking on his door. He stood and made his way to the door to open it.

"Bud! Harriet! What are you doing here?"

"It's Christmas, Sir! We thought you could use a little company, so we came here," Harriet explained to Harm, who was still looking incredulously at the both of them. "Sir?"

"Uh, that's nice of you, Harriet, Bud. I really appreciate your concern for my well being, but shouldn't you be at home with your son?" Harm wanted to be alone at the moment, but he couldn't bring himself to say it directly to them. It was nice of them to come there at Christmas Eve, because they thought he would be alone. Well, yes, he was alone, but it was good.

"My brother is watching him now, and we won't stay long. Only for a couple of minutes. You know, that you can feel the Christmas spirit tonight," Bud smiled at Harm.

"Thanks, Bud. So, why are you still standing here? Come on in! Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Wine?"

"Coffee would be great!" Harriet smiled brightly and stepped inside of Harm's apartment with Bud in tow.

Mac's place

At the same time

Mac was sitting on the sofa with Nicholas in her lap.

"Tonight is Christmas Eve, Nic. Your first Christmas in your life. You won't remember it, but it is special." Nicholas was looking into his mother's eyes. "You have your father's eyes, sweety. You know that they can get you everything? They are so clear like the sky. One day you will see it for yourself. You will meet your father one day, little one."

She knew that she never wanted to see Harm again, but with the birth of Nicholas, everything changed. Nicholas should know his father. Harm should know that he has a son. She owed him that much.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Mac took Nicholas in her arms and went to open the door after checking who was knocking at that time of night.

"Clay! What are you doing here? It's Christmas! Shouldn't you be with your mother now?"

"Yes, but I had to check on you first, since you are alone tonight," Webb started to say.

"I'm not alone. Nicholas is with me," Mac exclaimed and stroked her son's head.

"I know, Cathy, but that wasn't what I meant and I'm sure you know it." Webb tried to convince Mac occasionally to talk to Harm again, although he knew that it was useless.

Mac felt in which direction Webb wanted to lead the talk. "You promised it, Clay! Don't tell Harm!"

"Okay, Cathy! I won't tell him, but I feel very bad about it. He deserves to know that he has a son, and one day you have to tell him. Why not now? Cathy, he suffers. He is going insane. He is still searching for you."

"Stop it, Clay! I don't wanna hear it! I have everything I need right here in my arms." Mac was on the verge of tears.

"Okay, Cathy. Listen, I have to get back to DC now, but I will visit you again in a few days. Take care for this little one here, okay?" Webb stroked softly over Nicholas' head.

"I will, Clay. And thanks for your short visit. I truly appreciate your concern for us." She looked down into her son's eyes and decided to risk it. "Clay? Could you please do something for me?"

"Sure, name it and I'll see what I can do."

Mac took a deep breath. "Could you please tell him that you heard from someone that I'm all right? Nothing else. Just that I'm okay. Could you do that?"

"I'll do it, but you should be aware that it's risky. He will start to search for you again, but this time he could get closer to you place." Webb glanced worriedly at Mac.

"I know, but he should at least know that I'm all right. And no word about Nic!"

"Of course, Cathy. I have to go now. Take care of you and Nic."

With those words, he left the house and headed for his car. Mac stood still at the same place and watched him drive away. A lonely tear was running down her face. Harm would get the message and he would search for her. She asked herself if she secretly wished that he would find her, but dismissed that thought quickly.

Ten months later

October 2003

Mac's place

2117 Zulu (04:17 PM EST)

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday, dear Nicholas, Happy Birthday to you!" Darla and Mac sang together with a smiling Nicholas sitting in his high chair in front of them.

"Okay, Nic, do you want to have your gift?" Darla was looking down at Nicholas with a large box in her hands.

"Darla, I think you should open that for him." Mac was laughing at the look on her son's face. He was so eager to get the gift and stretched his arms in Darla's direction.

She opened the large bow on the box and opened it to reveal a large white teddy bear with big eyes. Nicholas was smiling even more than before and took the bear from Darla's hands. He was laughing and hugging the bear with his small hands.

Mac watched the scene with a big smile on her face. That was one of her most favorite moments since Nicholas was born. She loved watching him so happy with a true smile on his face. It still reminded her of Harm, but she learned to live with it.

"Cathy, he looks more and more like his father," Darla interrupted her thoughts. Soon after Nicholas was born, Mac had put a photo of Harm in his room, so that he could 'see' his father everyday, and Darla had noticed that photo, too.

"Yeah, he does." Mac had a dreamy expression on her face, but when she felt Darla's eyes on her, she knew what she was thinking. "Please, don't start again! I won't talk about it!"

"Okay, but you know what I think about it, don't you?"

"Yes." Mac quickly changed the topic of their talk. "So, have you ever thought about family?"

"Sometimes, but I haven't found the right one yet." Darla tickled Nicholas lightly and smiled when he giggled happily.

He was a cute little child and Darla envied Mac in some ways, but she was happy for her. She might not know the whole story or what happened before, but she knew that Mac must have had a hard life before. Nicholas seemed to give her life a new sense, and that was something Mac needed badly, Darla thought. Deciding to give this topic a break, she played with Nicholas again and watched him laughing his giggling.

Late November

Clayton Webb's office

Langley

0110 ZULU (08:10 PM EST)

Clayton Webb sat at his desk, looking at the photo he had made when he had last visited Mac and the baby. Nic looked like his father. He had everything Harm had, eyes, smile, hair color, everything. It must be hard for Mac to live with a little Harmon Rabb day by day. And for him it was hard to lie. Yes it was hard, he was lying to a man he considered a friend.

One day he would be able to tell Harm the truth, even when it meant to break another promise, to break the one he had given to Mac.

He didn't know how much longer he could watch him suffer. He had to tell him, sooner or later. Even when Mac didn't want to see him again, Nicholas had a right to know his father. A framed picture on the nightstand wasn't a good father. A framed picture couldn't tuck you in at night, couldn't tell you stories or show you how to ride a bike.

Some months later

May

Mac's house

Chicago

0000 ZULU (07:00 PM EST)

The last year had ended without any problems.

Yes, it had been hard for Mac again; hiding wasn't what she liked. She missed her old friends and her Uncle Matt. She was afraid that if she would contact him in Leavenworth, Harm could find out where she was.

Mac was still afraid that one day he would knock at her door. She was afraid that one day she would meet him in Chicago. She was afraid that one day Nic would want to see his father. Yes, he had a right to, but after all what had happened, she didn't know if it would ever be a good idea.

Tonight, Clayton Webb was again at her house.

He had given her a very belated Christmas present, spending a night on her own, going out with Darla.

He would baby sit Nic.

And that was it what Clayton Webb was doing now.

He leaned over Nicholas' bed and sang a soft lullaby.

"Hush-a-bye, don't you cry, Go to sleep my little baby, When you wake, you shall have, All the pretty, little ponies. Off to bed, mamma said, Babies riding off to dreamland, One by one, they've begun, To dance and prance for little baby. Blacks and beige, dapples and greys, Running into the night, When you wake you shall have, All the pretty, little ponies. Can't you see the little ponies, Dance before your little eyes, All the pretty, little ponies, Will be there when you arise."

No one would have ever guessed that he, Mister Spy or the tin man, that was it what they called him after his back, would sing a lullaby.

At the same time

Harm's apartment

North of Union Station

Harm sat on the couch, thinking about what he should do.

Moving on with his life?

Waiting for her, maybe forever?

Searching?

Should he stop his search?

He didn't know what he should do. He just knew that he missed her more and more each day.

Work.

It was what Harm had instead of a life.

It was his existence, his salvation, and the thing he filled his hours with.

He went in very early and left very late.

He wrote reports until his eyes burned and his fingers cramped from being on the keyboard for so long.

His office was more his home than was the empty, echoing apartment.

Work helped him to forget, if only for a little while.

Other people, they skirted around him, and all conversations died, when he walked into a room.

Yes, it was true, he stopped living the day Sarah Mackenzie had left him. And he could never live without her. He would rather die than marrying another woman, as some people had suggested. They had said he should go looking for another girlfriend. Another girlfriend would help him to forget Mac, they said.

But they were all wrong. There was no woman in the whole world he could love instead of Sarah Mackenzie.

October 2004

Mac's house

Chicago

2009 Zulu (03:09 PM EST)

Today was Nicholas' birthday. He was now two years old and looked so much like his father that Mac couldn't fight the tears any longer. Darla, who sat besides Nicholas, saw it and promised herself that she would try to find the father of little Nic. She had no idea how, but she had to try it.

"Sweety, do you want to open your gifts now?" Mac was regarded with a beaming smile from her son, and gave him the first box.

Nicholas opened the box with his little hands and took a stuffed dog out of it. He laughed happily when he saw it and said: "Doggie!"

"Yes, Nic, that's a little dog. Isn't it cute? You can take him into your bed at night, and he protects you from everything bad. You can consider him your best friend," Darla told Nic, though she knew he didn't understand everything. But someday he would know what she meant.

Instead of an answer, Nic took the dog by his ears and gave him a kiss on the nose, which made Mac and Darla laughing.

"So, Nic, now on to the next box." Darla took another box and held it to Nic, who tried to take it, which was hard to do, since he tried to hold the dog at the same time.

"Sweety, you cannot have both things in your arms. Why don't you give me your dog until you opened the other box?" Mac held out her hands to take the dog from her son, who gave her a long look, before he handed her carefully his new dog. "See, now you can open the box without a problem." Mac stroked over his head and leaned back, with the stuffed dog in her lap.

Nicholas took the box and opened it. As soon as he had done that, he took a little toy car out of it and smiled.

A few hours later

Mac's place

Nicholas had opened all his presents and was now playing in front of the TV, while Mac and Darla were sitting on the sofa, talking about a few things.

"I saw you're the look on your face, when Nic was opening his presents. You looked as if you would start to cry every second. I don't know why, but obviously, it must have been very painful to watch him." Darla decided to ask Mac a few questions about her past, since Mac never talked about it.

"It's not painful to watch him. It's just that I'm so happy. You know, I had a bad childhood, and when I see Nic smiling his cute smile, I know that he is so happy, and that makes me happy. God, that sounded very confusing, but I hope you understood what I meant." Mac watched Nic, sitting on the floor and playing with his new toys.

"Don't worry, I understood what you tried to say." After a short pause, Darla spoke up again. "Cathy, about his father…"

"Don't! I don't want to talk about him!" With that, Mac stood and went to the kitchen to get more coffee.

"Cathy! I know you don't want to talk about him, but you have to!" Mac glared at her, which made Darla flinch. That was a bad move and she had to stop talking about this. "So, what have you planned for tonight?"

Mac smiled at her. "I don't know. I thought we could watch a movie or talk about Nic's newest adventures." That made them laugh until Nicholas was coming into the kitchen.

"Mommy, up!" He stood in front of Mac and held his hands up to signal his Mom that he wanted to be carried by her. She took him in her arms and went back into the living room.

"Now, do you want to play with Mommy and Aunt Darla?" Mac tickled her son, who started to laugh.

December 3, 2004

Mac's place

1929 Zulu (02:29 PM EST)

Mac stood in her kitchen and put the groceries away, when she heard the doorbell.

She went to the door to open it and smiled when she saw Webb standing there.

"Hi, Clay! Come in! You were pretty silent the last weeks. What happened? Nicholas even asked for you." She closed the door after Webb stepped into the house.

"Yeah, I know, but I was really busy, and now that I have some time, I thought I could pay you a visit. And how is Nic doing?"

"He is doing fine. But he asked for you a few days ago. It was the first time he did that and it surprised me a lot, but I guess he will do that more often in the next years. Surprise me, I mean." Mac went back into the kitchen to put the rest of her groceries into the shelves.

Webb followed her, but thought about going to see Nicholas. "Cathy, do you mind if I go to see Nic, while you are here in the kitchen?"

"Not at all! You know where his room is. I'm sure he will be happy to see you."

Webb turned to go to Nic's room. When he arrived there and looked inside, he was surprised by what Nic was doing. He was sitting on the floor and looking at the photo of Harm in his small hands. He looked so sad that Webb came into the room.

"Hey, Nic! How is my little friend?" Webb bent down and looked directly into Nic's eyes, where he saw a few tears. "Don't cry. What is it? Why are you so sad?"

Nic put his arms around Webb and sobbed a little. "I want my Daddy." He told him between the sobs. Webb didn't know what to do and simply held Nicholas. That was it! He couldn't do it anymore. Even Nic wanted to be with his Dad. He thought about a good plan to tell Harm, but it shouldn't be too obvious. Harm would be ready to kill him if he would know that Webb knew all the time about his son. There had to be another way to tell him.

He scooped Nic into his arms and carried him into the living room. All the way telling him that he would try to get his Dad to come here, but he had to promise that he wouldn't tell Mac about it. Thankfully, Nic was a child who loved secrets and said that he would never tell her.

"See, I told you, your Uncle Clay would be coming soon." Mac smiled brightly as she stepped into the living room.

"Yes, he's here!" Nic giggled happily and held onto Webb's arm. Mac watched the both of them with a puzzled look, but didn't know what they were hiding. She sensed that there was something, but she figured it was one of the little secrets children had once in a while.

"Okay, who wants to have something to drink?" Mac asked innocently.

December 15, 2004

Webb's place

0144 Zulu (08:44 PM EST)

Webb was sitting at his desk with a sheet in front of him. He decided that he would send Harm an anonymous letter about Mac. That way, he wouldn't know that he knew all the time and he would get the chance to see Mac and his son.

The only problem was his conscience. He felt bad that he wanted to betray Mac, but he couldn't watch it any longer. Harm needed Mac, Nic needed Harm, and even Mac needed Harm. She might not acknowledge it, but she did.

Webb took a pen and started to write.

'You don't know me, but I know that you are searching for Sarah Mackenzie. I know where she is. You should be aware that her life changed since you last saw her, but it's not a bad change.'

He read the lines again and thought about the next lines he would write. The most important part was the address. Without it, it would take longer for Harm to find out where Mac was.

When he had finished the letter, he thought about the best time to send it to Harm. It would make a good Christmas present, he decided, and planned to send it one day before Christmas.

December 24

Harm's apartment

1128 Zulu (06:28 AM EST)

Harm heard the knock on his door and came out of his bathroom to see who was there. He looked through the peephole, but saw no one there, so he opened the door and looked to the left and to the right. There was nobody. Before he closed the door, he looked down and saw a white envelope lying there. Curious what it was, he picked it up and went back inside his apartment.

After he opened the envelope, he read the whole letter. With every word he read, he got more excited. That was it what he was waiting for the whole time! That was his ticket to his Sarah!

Before he did anything else, he called the airline and tried to get a flight to Chicago. Unfortunately, the next flight was at 10 PM, but it was better than nothing, so he decided to take this one.

Next was the call to JAG Headquarters. He knew that nobody was there at this time, but he would call as soon as Tiner would be there. He had enough time to work today, since his flight was late at night, but he wanted to do some other things. Besides, he couldn't even concentrate on work today. Maybe he should even ask for a few days of personal leave. Tomorrow was Christmas, but after that, he had to work, and he didn't know how long his trip to Chicago would take.

Now it was only waiting. He waited three years for this day, but now he was more nervous than ever. He would see Sarah again!

In a cab

Chicago

0445 ZULU (23:45 PM EST)

As Harm sat in a cab, driving towards the address he had read in the anonymous letter, his heart was beating faster and faster with every minute he got nearer to his Sarah.

Finally, after three long and lonely years, he would see his Sarah again. Harm knew that the letter has told him the truth. He would see his Sarah again. He knew that it wasn't a lie. He felt it.

Harm took a picture out of his pocket. It was a picture of Sarah, which he had carried around all the years. He wanted to have her close to his heart and now he would be able to hold her again.

Then as he stood in front of the house, it took all his willpower to knock. He was afraid that maybe she would kick his six, that she didn't want to see him.

But then he knocked.

Mac's house

Chicago

0455 ZULU (23:55 PM EST)

Mac was busy, putting the last present under the tree as she heard a knock at the door.

What does Clay want at this time of the day? she thought as she went to the door. Yes, it had happened that Clayton Webb appeared at her doorstep at unholy times of the day, but as she opened the door, she wasn't greeted by Clayton Webb. No, it was Harm who was standing outside.

"Sarah," he whispered, as he saw her for the first time in three years.

"Harm. . . How. . . Who. . . Where. . . What" she stammered.

"Stop asking," he said and moved closer to her.

"I am surprised to see you," she finally said.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Harm walked past Mac into her house, into her living room, finally stopping in front of the Christmas tree.

"Now you love Christmas?" he asked as he turned around to look at her. How much had she changed, her hair was now longer than before. It had grown over her shoulder, but he liked it that way.

Harm felt the urge to touch her, to feel her. He just wanted to make sure that she was real, that he didn't imagine seeing her.

"What are you doing here?" Mac asked.

"Seeing the woman I love finally again," Harm admitted.

"Harm, you" Mac started but stopped, unsure what to say.

She looked at him, looked into his blue eyes and there she saw it. She saw the love she had always hoped he would have for her.

Mac had to fight back tears. Oh, how she had been wrong the day she ran away. Harm had loved her always and she was afraid, afraid to talk to him, afraid to let him love her. She had destroyed everything. She didn't know if she deserved it to be still loved by this man.

Harm moved closer to her. Now he was just inches apart from her.

"Hey what's wrong?" Harm asked while he lifted her chin up so he could see into her eyes.

"Nothing," Mac lied, still unable to look at him.

"I deserve to know it, don't I?" Harm asked, never letting his hand leave her chin until she moved her face to look at him.

"I ran away from you and my emotions," she said.

"Stop running," he answered.

"Help me."

He took her hand in both of his and drew her fingertips to his lips, lightly brushing them against the smooth skin of his mouth. Harm

pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to her temple. He placed feathery kisses on her face until his lips found hers.

Mac's fingers found their way to his hair and then they were lost

in each other until the need for air separated them.

"Can we move this somewhere comfortable?" he asked while he held her in his arms.

"Yeah," Mac took his hand in his and guided him to her bedroom.

As they were in her bedroom, he took her into his arms again and started kissing her again. His arms went around her and pulled her

up against him. It escalated quickly. Harm pushed her onto the bed.

"Harm, wait."

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure about this?"

"As sure as I can be," he answered and captured her mouth again in a passionate kiss.

She returned his kisses and helped him when he began to pull at her clothes.

One hour later

Mac lay in his arms, her head resting on his chest.

"I love you," Harm whispered.

Mac had tears in her eyes as he said the three little voice she had wanted to hear since a long time.

"I love you too."

Mac knew she had to tell him. She had to tell him everything and she had to tell him about his son.

Mac took a deep breath before she started talking.

"Harm, there is something that I have to tell you. Promise me that you won't interrupt me, that you would listen to me, that you would wait to say something until I have finished my story."

"I promise," he answered without hesitation.

"The night I left you and everyone behind, I was afraid that you wouldn't love me. That I would have a broken heart. I was positive that you would break my heart. Not because you wanted to, but because you were scared of a serious relationship. I guess you still are. After I have left, I stopped at a motel, thinking about what I should do. I knew I had to leave everyone and couldn't go back. There I had been still unsure about the idea of leaving everything behind. But on the other hand, it was the only thing I could do to find happiness again. I went to Chicago; from here, I called a good friend. He helped me hiding for three years. He helped me with the consequences of our night together. There had been many days when I wanted to call you, first of all there was the day when I found out that . . .that I was pregnant." Mac looked at Harm for a second before she continued her story. "Harm, it had happened the night on Christmas, exactly three years ago. You are a father now. I am sorry that I have never called, never send a letter. You should have known from day one that you have a son. His name is Nicholas. He looks just like you. I am sorry Harm, for everything," Mac took another deep breath "I am sorry that I have hurt you. It was never my intention. . . Now you can hate me for everything I have done to you."

Tears welled up in her eyes.

If she would have looked at him, Mac would have seen the exact second it hit him.

"I am a father," he whispered.

"Yes."

"God Mac, I am a father, I have a son. You have made me the happiest man alive twice today. First, by saying that you love me and second, by telling me that we have a child. You can't imagine how much I love you."

"You don't hate me?" she asked surprised.

"I could never hate you ninja girl."

"Oh, Harm! I'm so happy you said that! I wish you could see your son now, but it's late and he's already asleep, so it has to wait until tomorrow. Do you think you can wait until then?"

"Do I have a choice?" He grinned happily at her. "Seriously, I can wait those few hours. It will be hard, but I'm also a little tired, and I want to spend much time with my son, which is hardly possible now. Let's sleep some. We can talk about everything else tomorrow." He softly kissed her lips and stroked her over her back.

"'Night, Harm. And thank you for loving me." Mac said silently, almost asleep.

"Good night, Sarah. And I have to thank you for loving me." With that, he closed his eyes and was fast asleep a few seconds later.

Mac's place

1024 Zulu (05:24 AM EST)

Harm awoke in the middle of the night. He looked around and was puzzled about his whereabouts, but as soon as he felt a warm body beside him, he remembered everything that happened. He smiled contently at the woman he loved and slowly moved out of the bed without waking her. She stirred a little, but slept on.

He decided to get a glass of water from the kitchen and left the bedroom after putting his jeans and shirt on. But he didn't know the house, so he had no idea, where he could find the kitchen. He went to the living room at first and decided, he could search for the kitchen from there.

As soon as he stood in the living room, he admired the Christmas tree for a few minutes. He didn't hear the tiny footsteps behind him, but he heard the voice.

"Daddy?"

He turned around, unsure of what he would see. He knew who it was, since there was only one possibility, but he hadn't the time to think about the first time he would see his son.

Harm looked down at the little boy in front of him and smiled.

"Yes, I'm here." Harm had trouble speaking.

Nicholas flung himself into Harm's arms and giggled happily.

"I wished for you to come here at Christmas. I wanted to have you here." He smiled at Harm and hugged him again.

Harm had tears in his eyes. Here he was, in Chicago, in Mac's house, in front of a Christmas tree with his son in his arms. If someone would have told him about this earlier, he would have thought they were insane. It felt so good to hold his son that he completely forgot everything that happened. It was, as if Mac never left and he spent the last three years with her.

"Daddy?" Nicholas piped up.

"Yes?" Harm smiled proudly at Nic.

"Did Santa bring anything else besides you?" He looked innocently at his father.

Harm had to smile about this question. He couldn't help it. His son was the cutest child he knew.

"I don't know," Harm told him, but turned slightly around to see if there was something under the Christmas tree. When he saw some presents there, he answered: "I'm sure he was here. Why don't we take a look?"

Nicholas left the arms of his father and ran to the Christmas tree, where he found all the packages. Harm just watched him and smiled.

Mac's apartment

Two hours later

Mac awoke and felt that the place beside her was cold. Her first thought was, that Harm could have left, as she did three years ago. Panic rose inside of her, but then she heard silent laughter from the living room.

She got out of bed and put a few clothes on. When she came into the living room, she felt tears in her eyes at the sight that was greeting her. There they were: Harm and Nicholas. They were sitting in front of the tree and Nic was playing with a toy she had bought for him. She noticed that he had only unwrapped one package, and since she knew her son very well, she figured that Harm told him that he should leave the other presents until she was there, too.

Suddenly, Harm turned around and saw Mac standing in the doorway.

"Come here, Sarah." He held his hand in her direction to show her to come to them.

"Mommy! Look what Santa brought me! Daddy's here!" Nicholas was jumping up and down, which made Mac smiling.

She was happy. Was it even possible to be happier than she was? She had everything she needed, everything she ever wanted, and…

"Sarah? Can I ask you something?" Harm interrupted her thoughts.

"Sure."

"Do you want to marry me? I don't have a ring right now, but I promise to get you one as soon as I can buy one, which will be tomorrow, since the shops are closed today." He wanted to say something else, but Mac was faster.

"Harm, the ring isn't important right now! Of course, I want to marry you! I wished for this for a long time now. You know, there was this dream I had very often over the last years." She smiled mysteriously at him.

"So? And what was this dream about?" Harm moved closer to her.

"Oh, it was about you and me and Nicholas and about a big family and a big house."

"I think I got the picture. Now, it's not a dream anymore, I guess."

They closed the distance between them and kissed softly.

Nicholas jumped up and hugged the both of them, which made them break the kiss and laugh along with Nic.

Yes, that was truly a Christmas to remember.

The End


End file.
